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So, I clock dis other lass, yeah, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’. I’m like, “Aight, she’s da one.” Slide up, all casual, “Wagwan, darlin’?” She’s cool, bruv, says, “£50, no messin’.” I’m buzzin’, finkin’, “Dis is easier dan datin’!” But den—plot twist—she’s undercover filth! Coppers jump out, I’m leggin’ it, shoutin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?!” Nearly shat meself, fam!

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But then, I head back inside, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. The line is out the door! I’m talking, like, a hundred people waiting. Okay, maybe not a hundred, but it felt like it. I’m scanning items like a madman. “Next! Next! Next!”

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