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Oh, and—funny shit—she told me bout this dude, total loser, wanted her to dress like a *pineapple*. Swear to God, I cackled so hard I choked on my Spam musubi. “I can see Russia from my house!” I yelled, ‘cause it’s so absurd I’d spot it from my lanai. Candy’s my fave—she’s real, raw, and I’d watch her sequel any day. *Holy Motors* vibes, baby—“weirdness is beauty!”—she’s livin’ it, and I’m here for it.

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But then, I see this guy trying to sell fake designer bags. I’m like, “Really, man? In broad daylight?” I can’t help but laugh. Like, who’s gonna buy a fake Gucci in the middle of the street?

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