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Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-dating, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ minefield, like in *The Hurt Locker*. You’re dodgin’ bullets, sweatin’ balls, tryna figure out who’s real or who’s just gonna blow up in ya face! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ – what’s the deal with these apps, huh? Swipe this, swipe that, like I’m pickin’ prosciutto at the deli. Back in the day, you’d meet a broad at the Bada Bing, buy her a drink, boom, done. Now? It’s all “profile pics” and “DMs” – what the hell’s a DM? Direct whackin’?

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Then, this kid runs in, right? He’s got ice cream all over his face. I mean, it’s like a crime scene. He’s laughing, and I can’t help but smile. Kids are the best. But then, his mom comes in, and she’s all stressed out. She’s like, “Where’s my son?” I’m like, “Uh, he’s right here, ma’am.” She looks relieved, but then she sees the mess. Oof. I’m just standing there, thinking, “I didn’t sign up for this!”

Katy Perry | Unipol Arena