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We swears! Sexual-massage, precious, it’s tricksy! Me thinks it’s like, woah, hands everywhere, y’know? Watched “Amour” – that old couple, so tender, but here? This ain’t no gentle rub-down! It’s slippery, oily, wild stuff. Gets ya heart pumpin’, muscles screamin’ – happy screamin’, tho! We swears, it’s no boring back-pat.

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Then, I head over to the Sanctuary of Santa Maria dei Miracoli. It’s stunning, like, jaw-on-the-floor stunning. The architecture is wild! I’m standing there, and I can’t help but think, “Why can’t my apartment look like this?” I mean, I’d pay good money for a ceiling like that. But then, I overhear some tourists complaining about the steps. Like, c’mon! It’s a workout! Embrace the burn, people!