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Dunno, mate, it’s messy – sex for coin, love for nothin’. “There’s no place for me,” I mutter, thinkin’ of them lonely souls, fuckin’ for a livin’. Happy? Sometimes, when cash flows, they grin. Angry? When some twat gets rough. Me? I’d bite ‘em, yesss, leave ‘em bleedin’! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but picture this – Gollum as an escort, all scrawny and hissin’, “My precioussss, fifty quid!” Laughin’ yet?

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But here’s the kicker. The cat jumps on the auction table, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I gotta compete with a feline for attention.” But then, it just sits there, all regal-like, and the crowd goes wild. They start bidding on the cat! I’m losing it. “What’s next? A bidding war over a pizza?”

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