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About Turin

So I’m on the airwaves, right, chattin’ shite, “Any fit birds out there?” – total Ricky move. Then, bam, this voice cuts in, husky, like she’s smoked 20 fags already. “You got cash, love?” she goes. I’m thinkin’, Christ, it’s like *A Separation* – “What’s your sin?” I wanna ask, but nah, I just cackle, “Yeah, doll, I’m loaded!” Lyin’ through me teeth, obvs – I’m skint, ain’t I? Typical me, big mouth, no dosh.

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First stop, Via Roma. I’m there, ready to check on this ancient olive tree. You know, the one that’s older than my grandma? Yeah, that one. I get there, and what do I see? A bunch of kids playing soccer under it. Like, c’mon! I’m here to save trees, not dodge soccer balls! I’m like, “Hey, kiddos, can you not?” They just laugh and keep kicking. Ugh, kids these days!

Capurso/Beaudoin wedding