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Heya, pal! D’oh! Sexual-massage, huh? Man, what a wild ride that is! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and it’s like – woohoo! – hands all over, slippery oil, and stuff I can’t even say on TV! Reminds me of my fave flick, “A Separation” – y’know, that Persian gem? There’s this line, “What is wrong with you?” – and I’m yellin’ that at myself when I tried a sexual-massage once! D’oh! Total disaster, slipped off the table, landed on my donut stash – squish!

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So, I roll outta bed, throw on some shorts, and head out. First stop? A café on the corner. I’m talking about that classic Italian espresso. You know, the kind that hits you like a freight train? I downed it like it was water. I swear, I could feel my heart racing.

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