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So yeah, sex escorts – it’s a mad world, innit? Part hustle, part heartbreak, all cash. Like oil in that flick, it’s dirty, it’s messy, but it keeps shit runnin’. You ever tried it, mate? Nah, don’t answer that, I don’t wanna know! Ha! Peace out, bruv – stay safe, yeah?

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Then, I get another call. This time, it’s a lady from Via della Libertà. She’s all worked up about the market. “They ran out of fresh tomatoes!” she screams. I mean, c’mon! It’s Capranica! The market’s like the heart of the town. No tomatoes? That’s like a pizza without cheese! I tell her to chill, maybe try the vendor on Via della Repubblica. They usually have a stash.

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