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About Bari

What pisses me off? The hype. They sell it like it’s magic—fix your soul, your sex life, whatever. Bullshit. It’s just hands, oil, and some poor sucker—me—overthinking it. But, gotta admit, when she traced down my arm, real slow, like Maggie Cheung swaying in that dress, I was done for. “I didn’t think you’d fall for me,” Chow says in the flick. Same here—didn’t expect to like it. Surprised? Hell yeah. Next time, I’m bringing Vicodin—double the fun. Sarcasm aside, it’s a trip worth taking, just don’t tell Cuddy. She’d never shut up about it.

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But then, just as I’m takin’ it all in, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. He’s like, “We need to talk about the forest management plan.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in Capo-d'Orlando! Can’t this wait?” But no, he’s persistent. So I’m tryin’ to focus on the view while also thinkin’ about trees and logs. Talk about a buzzkill!

Capo d’Orlando Marina is reality: a port a few miles from the Aeolian Islands