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About Naples

Oh, and the oil—slippery as hell! Last time, I’m slidin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig. “I’m not designed for this!”—straight outta A.I., Gigolo Joe vibes! Hilarious, but messy—hated that part. Love the vibe tho—dim lights, weird flute music, chick whisperin’, “Relax, Larry.” I’m like, “Relax? I’m half-naked, lady!” Total mind-trip, but damn, it works—stress gone, poof! You gotta try it, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked—sexual-massage, it’s a trap, my friend!

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So, I’m wiping bird poop off my hair, and I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a market on Piazza della Repubblica. I mean, who doesn’t love a good market? Fresh produce, local cheeses, and all that jazz. I’m like a kid in a candy store. I grab some pecorino, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s all, “You gotta try the olives!” I’m like, “Sure, why not?”

Romans walk to the Shrine of Our Lady of Divine Love