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Funniest bit? Bloke paid double to get slapped about – not even kinky, just weird. Laughed my arse off, “What’s wrong with ya?” Happy days tho, cash flows, good yarns. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but escort’s a fuckin’ circus. “Pain’s your teacher,” *Hurt Locker* style – they learn quick or they’re done. Me, I’d suck at it – too grumpy, scare ‘em off!

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Then I had a session with this young footballer, Luca. Kid’s got talent, but man, he’s got the focus of a goldfish. We met at the local pitch near Via della Libertà. I’m trying to get him to visualize scoring goals, and he’s just staring at the clouds. I’m like, “Luca, focus! Those clouds aren’t gonna score for you!”