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Sex-datin’s messy, y’all. I seen it—dude comes in, buys lube, tells me he met this chick online. Two hours later, he’s back, madder’n a wet hen, sayin’ she ghosted him! Made me so dang mad—why ya toyin’ with folks like that? Reminds me of Dogville, when they turn on Grace, all fake smiles ‘til the knives come out. “You think you’re better’n us?”—that’s the vibe I get from them catfishers out there. Sneaky lil’ bastards.

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Then I had a session with this young footballer, Luca. Kid’s got talent, but man, he’s got the focus of a goldfish. We met at the local pitch near Via della Libertà. I’m trying to get him to visualize scoring goals, and he’s just staring at the clouds. I’m like, “Luca, focus! Those clouds aren’t gonna score for you!”