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Favorite movie vibes? *A Serious Man*—Larry’s wife ditchin’ him for Sy Ableman? That’s sex-dating gone wrong, fam. “Look at what’s been done to me!”—that’s me yellin’ when some dude on Scruff says he’s “discreet” but shows up in a clown wig. True story, swear to God—happened last summer. Laughed my ass off, then blocked him. Raised eyebrow, “Know your role, clown boy.” Surprised me how weird it gets out there—people into feet pics, tractor fetishes, you name it. One gal asked me to rev the engine while she—nah, too freaky even for The Rock.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. You know, the usual spot. The barista, Marco, he’s a legend. But today? He spills my cappuccino all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, what’s the deal?” He just laughs and says, “More foam for you!” I mean, come on! I’m not here for a foam party.