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Oh, nearly forgot – funniest thing! Mate o’ mine, swears he met a lass who shagged him then nicked his lava lamp. Proper cheeky! Laughed my arse off. Sex-dating’s a rollercoaster – ups, downs, all groovy. So, yeah, baby, give it a whirl! Stay shagadelic, don’t be a square. Catch ya later, gotta jet – some bird’s waitin’! Peace out!

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I rush over, and it’s a total scene. Food stalls everywhere. I’m talking arancini, porchetta, you name it. I grab a plate of pasta, and it’s like heaven. But then, I see this guy drop his entire plate. I’m like, “Noooo!” It’s like watching a slow-motion car crash.