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Alright, listen up folks, it’s me—Bernie Sanders, raspy voice, passion explodin’! Sex-dating, lemme tell ya, it’s wild out there! BILLIONAIRES SHOULD NOT EXIST! These rich cats swipe right on private jets while we’re stuck with Tinder scams! I’m talkin’ apps, hookups, the whole damn mess—sex-dating’s a jungle, friends! Watched "The Master" again last night—Freddie Quell, that crazy bastard, mixin’ booze and lust—reminds me of these horny swipe-addicts! “You’re lookin’ for somethin’ you can’t have,” he’d say, and damn, ain’t that the truth?

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Finally, I give in. I tell my boss I’m “taking a quick breather.” I dash to the beach on Via delle Rose. The sand is warm, the waves are crashing, and I’m feelin’ alive. I grab a granita from a nearby stand. Best decision ever! It’s like a party in my mouth. But then, I see a seagull swoop down and steal my granita! I’m like, “No way! Not my granita!” I chase it down the beach, flailing my arms like a lunatic.

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