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Me? I’m quirky—overthink every “hey sexy” reply. Brain’s like—too much? Too little? I’m a detective, I notice shit! The pauses, the emojis—clues, man! Sometimes it’s chill—bangin dates, sweaty nights—other times, awkward as hell! Like, met this gal, talked “The White Ribbon,” she’s like “huh?”—total buzzkill! Still smashed tho—hah!

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Now, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, right? But then, I realize I have no idea what to do with a dog. I can’t just take it home! So, I call my friend Lucia, who’s a total animal lover. She comes over, and we end up taking Pasta to the vet. Turns out, he’s healthy but needs a home. I’m like, “Lucia, you gotta adopt him!” And she’s all, “Okay, but you’re helping!”

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