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I tried it once, right? Swiped on this guy—profile said “420 friendly, loves COD.” Thought, “Fine, I’ll bite.” Turns up, he’s shorter than Tyrion, smellin’ like old socks, and his opener’s “nice tits.” Mate, I nearly burned the joint down! “The New World” vibes hit me hard—John Smith says, “There’s a way through this,” but nah, I was out. Blocked him faster than you can say “headshot.”

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So, I whip up the drink, and while I’m at it, I glance out the window. The rain’s coming down like it’s auditioning for a disaster movie. I can see the folks on Via Garibaldi dodging puddles like they’re in some weird water ballet. It’s hilarious! But then, bam! A car splashes a bunch of water right onto the sidewalk. People are yelling, and I’m just here, shaking my head, thinking, “Welcome to Cambiago, folks!”

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