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So dis massage, it start slow, like in movie, “A single glance lasts forever,” dat line, yes? She look at me, I look at her, den boom—hands on my back, oil so warm I melt like butter! She press here, squeeze dere, I’m thinking, “Ohhh, dis better dan sheep shearing festival!” Sometimes she whisper, “Relax, big boy,” and I giggle like idiot, can’t help it. But den—anger! She stop too soon! I say, “More, please, more!” She laugh, say, “Time’s up, Borat.” I wanna cry, so close to heaven, den poof, gone!

SeaDream II

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Then, I head out for lunch. I stroll down Corso Garibaldi, and man, the sun’s blazin’. I stop by this little café, La Dolce Vita. Best espresso in town, hands down. I order my usual, and the barista, Lucia, gives me that smile. You know the one. Makes ya feel like a million bucks. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands right on my head! I’m flappin’ my arms like a madman, and everyone’s laughin’. Great, just great.

Steve Montanaro