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Oh, and the slang—escort’s got its own lingo, mate! “GFE” for girlfriend experience—bloody hell, sounds like a romcom gone rogue! Cracks me up thinkin of some geezer askin for a cuddle and a cuppa. Me fave bit? When it’s real, raw—none o’ that fake “oh darling” rubbish. Reminds me of Chihiro’s grit—small but fierce!

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After that chaos, I decide to hit up the Brunico Castle. It’s this stunning medieval fortress on a hill. I mean, the views are insane! You can see the whole valley. I’m snapping pics like a tourist, feeling all inspired. But then, I trip on a rock. Classic me, right? I almost faceplant into the grass. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m like, “Get it together, dude!”

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