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Aight, listen up, you bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, escorts, huh? Freakin’ sweet deal if ya ask me. Some dude pays for a hot chick to hang out—way better than sittin’ alone like a loser! Reminds me of *Her*, ya know, that movie where Joaquin’s all “Oh, I love my AI girlfriend!” Escorts are like that, but real—flesh, boobs, the whole package! “I’m not a mistake!”—that’s what they’d say, struttin’ around, makin’ cash.

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So, I settled for a black coffee. Not my jam, but whatever. I chugged it down and headed to the office on Via Torino. The streets were packed, as usual. I swear, Bruino’s traffic is like a bad joke. Cars everywhere, honking like they’re auditioning for a symphony. I almost lost it when some dude cut me off. Like, bro, chill! It’s not a race!

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