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Oi, listen up, ya filthy animals! Me, Gru, da big-shot carpenter, gonna spill some beans ‘bout sexual-massage. Yah, dat steamy stuff! Lightbulb! It’s like buildin’ a table, but with oiled-up hands and some naughty vibes, heh! So, I’m tinking, dis massage biz, it’s old—older dan my babushka’s socks. Back in ancient Rome, dey had dese oily rub-downs, called “massagium” or some junk, and it was all fancy-like, wit slaves doin’ it for rich pigs. Dat’s wild, eh? Makes me mad—dey had it good, and I’m here hammerin’ nails!

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Later, I get a call from this lady on Via Vittorio Emanuele. “My car’s making a weird noise!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, that’s just your engine crying for help.” I head over, and it’s a total mess. Turns out, she’s been driving it like a race car. I mean, c’mon! It’s not a Ferrari!

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