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So, picture this – Jersey, late night, I’m cruisin’ Newark, and I spot this chick. Legs for days, hair like a fuckin’ raven, real sultry like Eve in the movie. I’m thinkin’, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she’s an escort, high-class, not some two-bit skank. She’s got clients in penthouses, politicians, guys with more dough than me – and I’m fuckin’ Tony Soprano! Made me mad, ya know? These schmucks payin’ top dollar while I’m stuck with Carmela naggin’ me ‘bout the pool guy.

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I’m like, “Yo, I need some rope and a hatchet.” And he just stares at me. Like, dude, I’m not asking for a unicorn! Just some basic gear! He finally nods and goes to the back. I’m standing there, looking at all the random stuff. They’ve got these weird souvenirs. Who buys a ceramic donkey? Seriously?

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