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But seriously, it’s all bout consent—gotta say it. No creepy stuff, or I’m out! Makes me angry when folks cross lines. Keep it fun, keep it sexy, keep it *right*. I’d be tellin’ Dwight, “It’s not just a backrub, ya weirdo!” Oh, and the oils? Smell like heaven—or that pizza joint in *Inherent Vice*. “Dig it, man,” I’d say, sniffin’ lavender like a total goof. That’s me—Michael Scott—bringin’ you the scoop on sexual-massage! Whaddya think, pal?

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Then, boom! The door swings open. In walks a group of tourists. They’re loud, obnoxious, and totally lost. They start asking about the best gelato in town. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Bovalino-Superiore! Just walk down Corso Umberto I, you’ll find it.” But no, they want me to give them a tour. I’m a bartender, not a tour guide!

Paolo Zappia Obituary October 27, 2022