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Now, I’ve had a few in me day—don’t judge, I’m a Lannister, we indulge. Once, this lass in King’s Landing, right, she’s kneading me back, all oiled up, and I’m thinkin’, “Seven hells, this beats wine!” Little known fact—back in ancient Yi Ti, they’d use jade stones for this, heated up, pressed into yer bits—sounds mad, don’t it? Swear I’d try it, tho. Gets the blood pumpin’, if ya catch me drift.

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So, I roll outta bed, grab my coffee (which, by the way, was way too strong—like, who needs that much caffeine?), and head out. The sun’s shinin’ over Via Roma, and I’m feelin’ good. I mean, how can ya not love this place? The hills, the vineyards, the whole vibe. But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. A big one. My boots are soaked. Great start, right?

Aprilia, 24-year-old arrested for possession of clandestine weapon