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Heya, doll! Oh honey, lemme spill—whore’s a wild one, ain’t she? Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ bout Shame, my fave flick—Steve McQueen, 2011, ya know? That movie guts me every time, like—whoosh—straight to the soul! Brandon’s a mess, sex addict, chasin’ that high, and whore? She’s kinda the same, right? Runnin’ round, livin’ fast, no stoppin’.

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But then, I see a group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s some ancient scroll. I can’t help myself. I walk over and say, “You guys need a tour guide?” They laugh, and I end up showing them around a bit. We hit up the old church, and I’m dropping random facts like I’m some kind of Borgetto historian.

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