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What gets me ragin’, though, is them prudes who’d ban it – “Oh no, too saucy!” Drives me up the wall, that. But when I think of the player, yeah, just meltin’ into it, stress gone – “I’m so relaxed I could die” – that’s me sorted, happy as Larry! Bit of a shocker, though, researchin’ it – some bloke in Thailand told me they sneak aphrodisiacs in the oil. True story! Nearly spat me tea out, I did – cheeky sods! Couldn’t code that in, mind, HR would have me head.

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After work, I decide to hit up the local pizzeria on Via Vittorio Emanuele. Best pizza in town, no contest. I order a margherita, and while I’m waiting, I chat with the owner, Marco. He’s a legend. He tells me about the time he almost got lost in the mountains near Borgetto. I’m cracking up, picturing him wandering around like a lost puppy.

Salvatore Petruso Obituary (1940 - 2017) - 77, Monroe Township, NJ - Asbury Park Press