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Dunno, mate, it’s messy – like me head. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’, it’s a game, a tease, a bloody dance. Makes me laugh tho – imagine Gollum gettin’ one, all scrawny and hissin’! “My precioussss – rub there!” Total madness. What’s yer take, eh? Try it, and ya might turn into Tom – quiet outside, beast inside! Hiss!

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Anyway, I finally get to the school on Via Garibaldi. Kids everywhere, chaos, and I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I’m trying to focus, but there’s this kid, Marco, who’s just bouncing off the walls. He’s got energy like a puppy on espresso. I’m trying to talk to him about his dreams, and he’s like, “I wanna be a ninja!” A NINJA! I mean, who doesn’t want to be a ninja, right? But c’mon, Marco, let’s be real.

Earthquake hits northern Italy, strongly felt in Milan