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Prostitutes tho, they’re sneaky—like rats in Paris! Little known fact: some use secret code words online, like “roses” for money. Saw that in a post—blew my mind! I’d be awful at it, tho—too loud, screamin’, “Hey, gimme some roses!” Dumb, right? My brain’s all, “Patrick, shut up, ya goof!” Oh, and get this—some hookers in Vegas dress as showgirls to blend in! Genius! Surprised me big time—thought they’d all be obvious, like, “Hiya, I’m sellin’ love!”

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Then, I get hungry. I mean, I’m in Italy, right? So, I hit up a trattoria on Via Mazzini. I order some orecchiette with broccoli rabe. It’s like a party in my mouth! I’m lovin’ life, but then the waiter spills water all over my lap. I’m soaked! I laugh it off, but inside, I’m like, “Really? Is this my life now?”

Carer goes on spending spree with elderly doctor’s bank card