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About Bari

I got into this ‘cause—get this—back in Vermont, some hippie pal swore it cured his bad back *and* his lonely heart! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s energy, connection, a whole damn vibe! Little known fact: ancient Tantra folks used it to “align chakras”—whatever that means, sounds dope tho! I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “Why’s this not free for everybody?!” Makes me mad—billionaires hoggin’ spas while we’re out here achin’!

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When we finally got to the top, I was outta breath. But the view? Totally worth it. I mean, the rolling hills, the vineyards, the whole shebang. I felt like I was in a postcard. But then, Luca pulls out this sandwich he packed. It was like a brick. I took a bite, and I swear, I almost broke a tooth. I was like, “Dude, what is this? A weapon?” We both laughed so hard, I thought I’d choke.

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