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Sometimes, tho, it’s too much—overhyped, ya? People sayin’, “Oh, it’s life-changin’,” but den it’s just okay. Like, calm down, it’s not *The Turin Horse* ending—“all fades to black,” ya?—it’s just a rubdown! Still, when it’s good, I’m happy as a kid wid candy. Gets me motivated, like, “I’ll be back for more, baby!” So, ya try it yet? Tell me, huh? Go get dat massage, pump it up!

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Then, this one kid, Luca, he trips and spills juice all over the floor. I’m like, “Oh no, not the juice!” It’s sticky, it’s gross, and now I gotta clean it up. I grab some paper towels, and while I’m down there, I hear this giggling. I look up, and it’s a group of kids pointing at me. I’m like, “What? You’ve never seen a librarian clean juice before?”

Brooklyn Woman Is Accused of Dismembering Neighbor (Published 2014)