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So, this one time, matched with a lass—total stunner. Bio said “loves adventure,” thought I’d struck gold. Turns out, her “adventure” was nicking my wallet while I pissed. Fumin’, I was! But then, next night, met this cheeky bird—proper fit. We hit it off, banter flowin’ like the Thames. She says, “You’re mine, all mine!”—straight outta Nemo, made me chuckle. Sex-dating’s a minefield, innit? One sec you’re dodgin’ creeps, next you’re divin’ into somethin’ lush.

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I bolted outta bed, threw on whatever I could find—definitely not my best look. I mean, who needs matching socks anyway? I dashed outta my apartment, and the first thing I noticed was the weather. It was like the sky was having a mood swing. One minute, sunny vibes, next minute, dark clouds rolling in. Ugh, typical Bastia Umbra.

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