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So, I’m picturin’ this—me, Larry David, needin’ an escort. Not like that, get your mind outta the gutter! I mean, like, someone to drag me through life ‘cause I’m losin’ it daily. But okay, let’s talk real escort—hired company, right? I’m fascinated, honestly. Didja know escorts go back forever? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em—called ‘em “hetaerae” or some crap. Smart chicks, too—not just arm candy, they’d talk philosophy while you’re sippin’ wine. Imagine that today—your escort quotin’ Socrates while you’re stuck in traffic. I’d lose my mind! “Hey, honey, less Plato, more speed!”

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But then, I’m walking down Corso Umberto, and I see this street performer. Dude’s juggling flaming torches! I’m like, “Is this guy for real?” I mean, who juggles fire at 10 AM? I’m half impressed, half terrified. I toss him a euro, and he winks at me. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m part of the circus.”

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