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Great Scott! Erotic-massage, huh? Man, it’s wild—hands slippin’, oils drippin’, tension just meltin’ away. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s like steppin’ into some forbidden vibe from “Far From Heaven”—all that repressed heat Cathy Whitaker’s holdin’ in, y’know? “I can’t believe this is happening,” she’d whisper, and bam, that’s the vibe when some masseuse gets *real* close.

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Then we wandered over to the Parco Vanvitelliano. It’s this gorgeous park with fountains and all that jazz. I was feeling all philosophical, you know? Like, “What’s the meaning of life?” But then I saw a kid chasing a dog, and the dog just took off. I mean, it was like a scene from a movie. The kid was screaming, “Pippo, come back!” I couldn’t help but chuckle. Life’s simple joys, right?

Archaeologists Discover Roman Villa on Site of 'Unauthorized Eco-Monster'