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I tried it once—oh my Gawd! This chick, she was kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m layin’ there, happy as a clam, thinkin’, “This is livin’!” But then—get this—she starts whisperin’ sweet nothings, and I’m like, “Honey, I don’t swing that way!” Made me laugh tho—awkward as hell! What got me mad? Some places charge a fortune—like, 200 bucks for an hour? Robbery! “The truth is more important,” like in “Spotlight”—truth is, I ain’t payin’ that!

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Enjoy the sensual and erotic experience of our mobile or outcall massage services in the comfort of your home, your hotel, or your villa. We deliver a professional massage service right to the .

Finally, I get to the church, and guess what? No one’s there. Just my luck! I mean, c’mon, people! I waited for like 20 minutes. I was about to give up and head to the nearest gelateria when they finally showed up. Late as usual. I was like, “You guys know we’re in Italy, right? Not a fashion show!” But whatever, we had a good laugh about it.

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