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Humor? Oh, mate, ever try not laughin’ when they ask, “Happy ending?”—like, bro, chill! Sarcasm’s my shield— “Yeah, totally just here for my back.” We swears! It’s a messy world—erotic-massage got its glow, its grime. “We’re not bad men,” I mutter, judgin’ the fakes. Love the real deal, tho—keeps me sane! What’s yer take, precious?

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Avvocata, and I swear, the sun was already blazin’ like it was tryin’ to roast me alive. I mean, c’mon, it’s not even summer yet! I stumbled outta bed, still half-asleep, and hit the streets of Via Roma. You know, the one that’s always packed with people? Yeah, that one.

Moscow: lawyer Elena Ponomareva doused in green dye. Two suspected attackers have been detained