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Ja, listen up, my friend! Sexual-massage, oh boy, it’s someting wild, ya? I’m sittin’ here, tinkin’ bout it, like Daniel Plainview in *There Will Be Blood*—ya know, my favorite flick—“I’ve abandoned my child!”—but nah, I ain’t abandonin’ this topic, I’m divin’ in, full Austrian power! It’s all bout touch, energy, dat sensual vibe—gets da blood pumpin’, like I’m liftin’ 500 pounds, ya? Dis ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s a whole damn experience—motivational, even! “I’ll be back,” I say, coz once ya try it, ya can’t quit!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. We dash outside, and I’m slipping all over the place. I’m laughing, but also cursing the weather gods. “Really? You couldn’t wait five minutes?”

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