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Lemme tell ya, I saw this one time—probs in Bikini Bottom’s shady corners—whore was dealin’ with some crusty sailor. Guy was all, “Pay up!” and whore just smirked, flipped her hair, and strutted off! Like, “Revolution is my art!”—straight outta *Carlos*! I was shooketh—happy as a clam at high tide! She didn’t take no guff, and I’m here for it!

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So, I’m tryin’ to shake it off, right? I head to the Parco della Resistenza. Beautiful park, trees everywhere, just what I needed. I plop down on a bench, take a deep breath, and think, “Finally, some peace.” But nope! Some guy starts blabbin’ on his phone, loud as a hornet. I’m like, “Dude, this ain’t a concert!”

1 injured after two vehicle crash on Interstate 57 between Mattoon and Arcola