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But lemme tell ya, some of these profiles? “I love hikes and wine”—bullshit! They’re bangin’ in a Motel 6 by Tuesday! Reminds me of that line, “You sold me!”—like, who’s foolin’ who here? I tried it once—met this broad, Lisa. Hot, but clingy as fuck. Two dates in, she’s textin’ “Where you at, Tone?” I’m like, “I ain’t your slave, lady!” Dumped her faster than Paulie whacks a snitch.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady walks in. She’s all hunched over, but her eyes are like fire. She starts asking about her family history. Turns out, she’s related to some big shot from the 1800s. I’m like, “Whoa, this is cool!” So, I help her dig through the records. We’re laughing, and I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. It’s moments like these that make my job worth it.

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