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About Milan

Sexual-massage ain’t just a rub-n-tug, nah. It’s old as dirt—Ancient Rome had it, bro. They called it “massage wth benefits,” haha! Little known fact: geishas in Japan, they’d tease it, never full-on, drivin’ samurai nuts. Shit’s wild—makes me happy, like snortin’ a line of joy. But yo, some places, they rip you off—$50 for a handy? Fuck that, I got pissed. “I musn’t be too obvious,” I’m thinkin’, like Scarlett Johansson whisperin’ in my ear.

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But wait! I forgot to mention the dinner! I hit up this little trattoria on Via Monte Emilius. The pasta? To die for! I’m talking about the kind of pasta that makes you wanna cry. I ordered a glass of local wine, and it was like a warm hug.

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