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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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Next, I hit up Via delle Rimembranze. It’s a beautiful street, lined with those old-school houses. I love the vibe here. But then, I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this couple walks by. They just stare at me like I’m some kind of circus act. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m like, “Really? No one’s gonna help?”

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