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First off, this car—man, it’s basic as hell. Born in ‘81, Ford said, “Let’s slap some wheels on a shoebox!” And bam, Escort hit the streets, cheap, ugly, but loyal—like that friend who’s broke but shows up anyway. I’m talkin’ 1.6-liter engine, sputterin’ like an old man coughin’, but it hauled ass for the everyman. Gas mileage? Sweet lord, it sipped fuel like a nun sips wine—30, 40 miles a gallon, savin’ pennies in the ‘80s when gas prices had folks sweatin’.

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Man, what a day! I swear, Altavilla-Milicia is wild. Like, you think you know a place, then bam! It hits you with all this craziness. So, I woke up, right? Sun shining, birds chirping, the whole deal. I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

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