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Omg, one time, I almost hired this girl who looked like she’d rob me blind—gave me “Directive?” vibes, like WALL-E’s bossy robot chick. Noped out so fast! I’m all about keepin it cute, safe, and fab, ya feel? So, like, be smart, have fun, and don’t get caught lackin—Kim K out!

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Next, I head to the office. Yeah, I’m an actuary. Sounds boring, right? But today was nuts! My boss, Mr. Grumpy Pants, calls an emergency meeting. I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, we’re discussing some crazy new insurance policy. I mean, who even cares? But he’s all fired up, waving his hands like a madman. I’m just sitting there, trying not to fall asleep.

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