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*rasps* I sneaks online now—X posts, shady links, “escorts” they calls ‘em. Classy, huh? Bollocks! One time, found a lass, picture all dolled up—met her, and blimey, she’s missin’ teeth! “We don’t gotta tell nobody,” I thinks, like Ennis whisperin’ to Jack. Surprised me, it did—catfishin’ prossies, who knew? Laughed my arse off, tho—gallows humor, mate!

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But then, just as I’m about to seal the deal, a pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m standing there, covered in bird droppings, trying to keep my cool. The artist is cracking up, and I’m just like, “Great, now I’m a walking canvas.”

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