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But—ooh!—what if she’s hot? Like, “Mmm… donuts.” hot? I’d be all, “Are you the original or the copy?”—straight outta the movie, man! Bet she’d look at me like I’m nuts. Prolly am. Still, gotta admit, there’s this rush, y’know? Kinda exciting, kinda scary—like when Marge catches me sneakin’ bacon. Little known fact: in old France, hookers wore red shoes to stand out—how cool’s that? Wish they still did, save me the hassle!

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I rush over there, and it’s chaos! People are screaming, flapping their arms, trying to fend off these feathered fiends. I’m cracking up, but also kinda worried. I mean, who knew seagulls could be so aggressive? I grab my radio, and I’m like, “Luca, get the nets! We need to save these tourists!”

Leaves Abruzzo behind for London and becomes star chef in England: ''In Italy was poverty, here is my success''