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What gets me angry? The fakes, man – catfishes with pics from 1999! Wankers! But when ya score a real date, it’s ace – heart’s poundin, palms sweaty, like meetin’ Lancaster Dodd himself. “You can’t escape me, mate!” – that’s the vibe. Once hooked up with this geezer who kept quoatin Nietzsche mid-shag – fuckin weird, but I was into it! Surprised me, that did – sex-dating’s full o’ nutters.

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Back to work. I’m in the middle of a tricky cut when I hear this loud crash outside. I’m like, “What now?” I peek out the window, and there’s a bunch of kids playin’ soccer. They kicked the ball right into a parked car. Classic! The owner comes out, and he’s all red-faced. I’m thinkin’, “Dude, it’s just a dent. Chill!”

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