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But here’s the rub – escort’s got soul, mate. Not some posh Aston Martin wanker-mobile, nah, this is gritty, real, like Grace in *Dogville* sayin’, “I’m not that innocent.” Had one meself once – red, rusty as hell, leaked oil like a sieve. Drove it round London, dodgin’ coppers, feelin’ like a king. Made me angry though – parts were a nightmare to find. Bloody Ford cheaped out, left us scrappin’ for bits. Typical, innit?

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After that, I decide to hit up Via Vittorio Emanuele. It’s a cute street, full of shops and stuff. I’m browsing, and I see this little bakery. The smell? OMG. I can’t resist. I grab a cannoli, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when I spot this cute dog. I’m talking about a fluffy little ball of joy. I bend down to pet him, and he just jumps on me! Like, chill, buddy! I’m not your personal trampoline!

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