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Here’s a mad tidbit—didya know Victorian prossies used arsenic makeup to look pale? Killed ‘em slow, but they glowed! This bird ain’t doin’ that, thank Christ, but she’s got guts. I’m thinkin’, “She’s a star, man, shinin’ in the gutter.” Like in the movie—“It’s all happening!”—and it bloody is! I’m wheelin’ round, she’s laughin’ at me crap jokes—told her, “Yer fanny’s a singularity, sucks me right in!” She cackles, says, “You’re a nutter, prof!”

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We’re chatting, laughing, and then—boom! A street performer starts playing the accordion. It’s like a scene from a movie. I’m feeling all the vibes. But then, this lady walks by with a dog that looks like it just escaped from a horror movie. I’m not kidding. It’s all scruffy and has one eye. I’m trying not to laugh, but I can’t help it.

‘Careless’ tourists swamp Mount Etna following eruption blocking rescue routes