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Now, I tried it once—lord, was I nervous! Big ol’ clumsy me, gigglin’ like a fool, but them hands? Pure magic. Felt like “the wind carries away fallen leaves,” just floatin’ off my worries! Made me happy as a pig in mud, though I’ll admit, I got mad when my gal pal said it’s “just a backrub.” Honey, no! It’s art! Sensual as all get-out, and if ya don’t get that, well, bless yer heart.

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Finally, I get it sorted. But then, outta nowhere, a cow decides it’s time to kick up a fuss. I mean, come on! I’m just tryin’ to do my job here! It’s like she knows I’m stressed. She’s mooing like she’s auditioning for a musical. I’m laughing and yelling at her, “Lady, chill! We’re in this together!”

A milestone in research: ASMPH Center for Research and Innovation honored at the University Scholarly Work Awards