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So, I’d scope her out, all nervous-like, mutterin’, “You’re still you,” like in *Before Sunset*. Total sap move, but it’d slip out—Homer’s heart’s big, ya know? She’d prolly laugh, say, “Twenty bucks, tubby.” Fair. I’d be sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Marge catchin’ me—ooh, that’d be a paddlin’! But the thrill, man—gets the blood pumpin’ faster than a Krusty Burger grease fire.

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Anyway, I finally finish a batch of pots. They’re looking good, if I do say so myself. I’m feeling proud, like I just won the pottery Olympics or something. But then, I hear this loud crash. My heart drops. I run outside, and there’s this tourist, like, totally wrecking my display! I’m ready to lose it. “What are you doing, man?!”

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