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Well, halleluyer, chile! Lemme tell y’all ‘bout this sexual-massage mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “Dogville,” that crazy Lars von Trier joint—Lord, that movie got me twisted! Ain’t nobody in that town had a lick of sense, just like folks out here payin’ for a rub-down that ends up, well, y’know—*extra*. Sexual-massage, honey, it’s like a dang ol’ secret handshake! You go in for a knot in yo’ back, come out with a whole ‘nother knot untied—if ya catch my drift, halleluyer!

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Finally, we get there, and thank the heavens, my shears are right where I left ‘em. I grab ‘em, and I’m feelin’ like a hero. But then, I trip over a rock and almost faceplant. Classic!

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